My Sethy Boy…

A few months ago, I woke up to Sethy sleeping soundly on the floor next to my bed, as always. When he got up to come downstairs with me, I noticed he wasn’t putting pressure on his back left leg.

Concerned, of course, I called Brian because he had let the dogs out earlier that morning, before he left for work. He said he hadn’t noticed anything wrong with Seth. Hoping he had just slept on it wrong or something, I resolved to just keep an eye on him.

For the next few days, it seemed to come and go. Sometimes when he was standing on all fours, he would shift his weight a little to take pressure off his left back leg… but other times, it didn’t seem to be bothering him at all. I didn’t want to overreact, but when I noticed it not getting any better – and a family friend gently told me I should get it checked out – I made an appointment with the vet.

The vet took X-rays of his leg but didn’t find anything but arthritis, so Seth was put on medication to keep any inflammation down. Sometimes the medication seemed to be working, but more often than not, it seemed to do nothing to help him. And then, at the beginning of this week, he seemed to be in a lot of pain, lifting his back leg high off the ground, not wanting to put any pressure on it.

I made another appointment with the vet for Monday afternoon. It was a different doctor from the one before, so he took a look at the X-rays taken previously and said we should take some more to see if there have been any changes. The vet also wanted to take X-rays of Seth’s spine, hip and pelvis.

I was scared. I didn’t want to have to leave Sethy for an hour, the length of time they said it would take. Thankfully, Brian was with me because I needed his support. He loves Sethy so much, too, and tried to stay positive for both of us.

We went back an hour later to pick Seth up and see what the X-rays showed. There are four exam rooms at this animal hospital, three to the left of the waiting room and one to the right. They are designated by the color of their doors – blue, yellow and green to the left, orange to the right.

The orange room faces the parking lot, and because it was dark outside by the time we got back to the vet, and the light in the exam room was on, I could see inside. Even though Seth had been seen in the blue room, I could see that the doctor who had looked at him was in the orange room, cleaning off the exam table.

We walked into the waiting area and there was a woman holding the leash of a dog who looked so much like my childhood dog, Carmel. He was the same size, the same color – and he was even wearing the exact same blue harness we had for Carmel. It was a bit strange.

The vet tech behind the counter said that the doctor wanted to put Seth on more anti-inflammatory medication, as well as something else. In my mind, that was a good sign: she didn’t say anything about bad news. It is just arthritis, I told myself. He just needs another medication on top of what he’s taking.

Feeling relieved, I sat down with Brian. There were a few other people sitting, too, so Brian and I had to sandwich the woman holding the Carmel lookalike. He was 12 years old and had some stitches due to tumors being removed. I couldn’t get over how much he reminded me of Carmel, who had passed away at age 13, but had remained pretty strong and active almost to the end.

Then, the vet tech told us the doctor would see me and Brian in the orange room. It wasn’t until later that I remembered what Brian had said another time we were at the vet together: if they call you into the orange room, it’s never good news.

Instead, I was still thinking that Sethy just needed some more medication to keep his arthritis pain at bay.

But when we walked into the orange room, the first thing the doctor said was, “It’s not good news.”

All I remember is Brian clinging to me like I was going to crumble. I heard “bone cancer.” I heard that pain management was pretty much our only option. That amputation and chemo were possible, but that even those things weren’t going to do much. I heard “two or three months – maybe longer.” And then I didn’t hear much else.

The doctor left the room and I walked outside to call my mom. I was in a state of disbelief, and the tears flowed as I told her what we had just learned. I could tell she was shocked, too, but she was trying to stay strong for me. I later learned she was trying to stay strong in front of my 6-year-old nephew, William, too… when I called her, she was driving in the car with him. After she hung up the phone, William asked her what was going on. My mom told him that Sethy was sick and he said, “I know. I could hear Janie crying.”

Brian and I left the vet with Seth. “Let’s stay at your parents’ house tonight,” Brian said. We took two cars there so that the next morning we could each take our own car to work. I got to my parents’ house first and I could tell my mom had been crying, but she said there would be plenty of time to be upset about everything. In front of Sethy, she said, we had to be strong.

My dad got home from work shortly after and my parents ordered some take-out, since none of us really felt like preparing dinner. When Brian arrived, we sat down to eat. I looked over at Brian, who had been landscaping outside all day. His face was still a little dirty from working, and under the light in my parents’ kitchen, where we were eating, I could see where tear marks had streamed down his cheeks.

Since walking up and down stairs is difficult for Seth, Brian and I set up an air mattress in my parents’ living room and slept there. Sethy and Tansy, Brian’s dog, slept downstairs with us. Ryder went upstairs to sleep in my parents’ bed with them, as she has done since she was a puppy whenever I’ve stayed at their house.

Sethy has been doing OK since his diagnosis on Monday. The medication seems to be preventing him from being in too much pain, as he has been able to walk better and has been putting more pressure on his back leg. I just wish there was more we could do to combat the disease, not just make him more comfortable.

I wrote about having to share dog custody post-divorce a few months ago, and how difficult it is. It is heart wrenching to have to give my dogs to my ex-husband for weeks at a time… especially now. And still, I realize that when the time comes when we don’t have to share custody anymore, it will be for an even worse reason.

I cannot think about that right now, though. I concentrate on the wonderful years we’ve had with Sethy, and continuing to give him the best life, with tons of love, for as long as we have him.

I have thought about that dog at the vet who reminded me so much of Carmel. I’d like to think that that it was him somehow telling me that when the time comes, he will take good care of Sethy. That certainly warms my heart… but I’m just not ready for that time yet.

About Audrey

Audrey McClelland has been a digital influencer since 2005. She’s a mom of 5 and shares tips on her three favorite things: parenting, fashion and beauty. She’s also a Contemporary Romance Author.

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12 Comments

  1. 11.20.10
    Kim said:

    Jane: of course there was no way I could read this without crying. I’m so profoundly sorry for you, Brian and everyone in your family that loves and cherishes Sethy so much. I truly can empathize and know that the best thing, the only thing, that can be done sometimes is to make sure that the pain is being taken care of and that we spend quality time. And, I know you’ve experienced loss but it is never, ever easy. I often wonder though: is it better to know what is coming or, to not know. In any event, prayers and good, good thoughts/energy are being sent to you up north and I sincerely hope that whatever time Sethy has left on this earth, it will be filled with beautiful days overall. Many Hugs . . .

  2. 11.20.10
    Lucy said:

    Jane, it doesn’t seem fair that you’re going through another loss, but it’s not forever, just for now. You’re right, Carmel did visit you to let you know that your Seth will be OK. Love doesn’t die when the ones we love aren’t around anymore. Your love for Seth will continue, just as his love and devotion to you will always be a part of you.
    Wish I could give you a hug and help comfort you during this difficult time. But you’ll be fine thanks to your wonderful family and all their love and support. You are very blessed to have such a strong circle of love to be your strength during the trials of life.
    Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
    Lucy

  3. 11.20.10
    admin said:

    Oh, Janie… my heart has been ripped from my body… but to think that God has blessed us with beautiful, wonderful, perfect Sethy is the greatest, greatest gift. Sethy’s love is here and it will always be here… I love you… Mom xoxox

  4. 11.21.10
    Poppy said:

    I hope he’s comfortable and that he knows how much he’s loved.

    My girls give him kitty kisses. Dawg and I give you all hugs.

  5. 11.21.10
    Jean said:

    We had a similar diagnosis for our dog, and here she is 2 years later, happy and healthy.

  6. 11.21.10

    I’m so very sorry to hear of your beloved Sethy’s sickness. It’s so hard to see our babies in pain and not be able to do anything about it.

    Hugs and prayers from Texas.

  7. 11.21.10
    admin said:

    Janie Girl… That was very much Carmel telling you that he’s with you. There was a reason Sethy picked you. He got to experience true unconditional love. He got to be the apple of someone’s eye. He got to be a member of a family. Seth has been lucky to have you as his mommy… that’s a gift. I love you so much and I’m here for anything. As you can imagine, William is VERY concerned about you and Sethy.

  8. 11.21.10
    MichaelW said:

    Your article was very touching Jane. My Sandie has started favoring her right rear leg and I thought it might just be arthritis. Now you have given me reason to go get her checked. Thank you for your post and we’ll keep Sethy in our prayers.

  9. 11.22.10
    Karen said:

    Talk about the unfairness of life! Big hugs to you and pets to Seth!

  10. 12.1.10

    I have tears in my eyes from reading this post. I am SO very sorry!

    My Abbey had some pain a few weeks back. You could see it in her eyes that she just didn’t feel good. She was in pain. Was in the vet with her and SO scared it was bone cancer. (Even our other dog who’s normally very rambunctious around her was more careful with her.) Turns out she’s got some arthritic issues. (I was so grateful. I was tearing up just waiting for her to come out of x-rays!)

    So I’m so sorry to hear about Sethy. (What a great name for a pup. Then again, my son is a “Seth”. So maybe I’m biased.)

    Hugs to you, your hubby and your pup.

  11. 12.2.10

    Oh Jane, I just saw this. I am so sorry about Sethy and the pain you must also be feeling

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