Matt and I have been married for 11 years.
I would venture to say that we have a very happy marriage.
Marriage isn’t always easy, it requires a lot of love, patience and sacrifices, but if you’re “meant to be” it works. I fully and thoroughly believe that about marriage.
In honor of my newly hitched sister, I wanted to share what I felt makes for a happy marriage.
Here are my 10 Secrets to a Happy Marriage:
1. Pick your battles – Oh, we ALL know about this one, right? There are times when you just need to let go. Last week Matt was outside in the garden (I mean, farm) all DAY long. I desperately needed help in the house with some housework. I was beginning to get more and more upset that I was inside making the house “clean” while he was in the garden. When he came inside I was ready to lose my cool, but there was something about the look on his face that made me stop. Then he said, “I think all the tomato plants are dying, I need to figure out what’s wrong. Can you imagine if they all get sick?” And I knew, in that moment starting a fight about the dishes in the dishwasher wouldn’t do us any good.
2. Date Night – We JUST started this one. Getting out on your own is essential. And that is WITHOUT the kids. As much as I love to be with my babies, it’s so important to be able to do things alone, just the two of you often, too.
3. Take out the photos! – Sometimes it needs to be done. Take out the part and look through photos as to when you first started dating! Nothing makes me laugh and smile more than going down memory lane with Matt or even just by myself. I love looking back and seeing what we looked like and truly how far we’ve come together.
4. Read 50 Shades of Grey. Just saying. 😉
5. The Question Game – This drives my husband BANANAS, but I have so more fun playing this with him! It’s the Question Game. I’ll have him answer 5 questions about me (and vice versa) and see if we get the “right” answers for each other. If nothing else, it’s a great way to laugh your butts off!
6. Don’t hit below the belt – I first heard this when I went to the Catholic Marriage classes, it was one of the statements the instructor told everyone. She explained that we all have a hot button that each of our significant others knows about us, and she said… don’t go there. If you know what you’re going to say will hurt, don’t say it all. She said if you do, it’s a hit below the belt.
7. Never go to bed mad – This is something we’ve never done. I don’t care what it is we’re upset at each other over, we’ve never, ever gone to bed in a fight. We’ve always either smoothed it over or talked it through. This one I love.
8. Kiss in front of the kids – I also feel that a happy marriage is one that’s expressive. It’s kissing. It’s hugging. It’s loving publicly. I love our kids to see us in love, I feel it’s healthy for them to see and to witness (even if it grosses them out right now!).
9. Try new things together – New experiences are something that are very important. There’s nothing like trying brand new things together. It doesn’t matter if it’s food, a sport, an activity, a club… something. It definitely keeps things fresh and new.
10. Holding hands – It’s a simple thing, but a powerful thing. Touching is a very intimate act, and there’s something very soothing about holding my husband’s hand. Holding hands is a beautiful thing, and it just makes you feel special and overall good!
Audrey, what a great topic for a post! My 7th anniversary is coming up & I can honestly say that I appreciate my husband more with every passing year.
The one tip I can suggest is to remember that your spouse is on your side. I know without a doubt that no matter what crap life hands me, that my husband has my back. Knowing this deep in my heart makes everything else just fade away.
Great post, Audrey! I generally agree with everything. The not going to bed mad thing, for us sometimes continuing to talk about whatever we may be disagreeing on just makes us more and more frustrated. So on occasion, we sleep on it and come back together in the morning. We find that is often more productive for us. Otherwise, everything else is dead on. We LOVE holding hands! It is so simple, but such a huge gesture of love! 🙂
I love this Audrey! Thank you for sharing your secrets with us…you and Matt seem so happy 🙂
Love this list and totally agree. EXCEPT for 50 Shades of Gray. I want to be the only person who gets my husband’s motor running and he should be the only person for me. We work very hard on making sure our sex life is rocking. I am twelve years married and 3 kids in and it is better than ever simply by making it a priority.
Some things are individual to couples and personalities, but one thing that works for us is taking a quick breather (a walk, a drive, a sit outside on the porch) so that we don’t say anything stupid in the heat of the moment. Basically, if I get quiet (a rarity), he knows that I need a moment to process before going forward. It took me awhile to learn this one myself. 😉
Number 8 is a gift to everyone. Love it! We aren’t so good at the dates on a regular schedule, but working out together has been great. There is something about sharing in the process of doing something physical to change how you feel emotionally.
LOL… I sort of wanted to say have you know what regularly without saying it. 🙂
Great post Audrey. Totally agree on all points, especially the “talking things through” tip. We’re 24 years and 4 boys strong because of it. I’d also add separate bathrooms to the list 🙂
You’re so cute. I love that you are so in love. Thanks for reminding us how great it can be!
absolutely love this post!! i agree with your tips, but of course have 2 work on that going to bed mad…doesn’t happen often @ all, but has happened…reading 50 shades of grey now…this area is wonderful, but i will keep an open mind 😉