There have always been “defined” days in our history.

In my life, I have remembered certain and particular days that have just never escaped my memory bank. I remember the fear. I remember the terror. I remember feeling like something was wrong with the world with each of these horrible incidents:

1986 Space Shuttle Challenger.

1999 Columbine.

2001 9/11.

2007 Virginia Tech

And now, Newtown.

The world changed after these events.

Newtown shakes me to the core because my children are 4, 5, 7 and 8… the exact ages of these children who lost their lives. It shakes me to the core because Newtown seems just like the kind of town we live in, it’s safe, it’s a close-knit community and everyone seems to be separated by one-degree.

All weekend I was glued to the TV or to my phone for updates.

And all weekend I tried my very best to not let the boys know what happened.

We made the decision together that we weren’t going to tell the kids till Sunday afternoon because we wanted to know as much as we possibly could about what happened before we started explaining it. But truthfully… there’s no way to properly explain this to a 7 and 8 year old. I don’t want them to be frozen with fear. I don’t want them to be terrified that this will happen at their school. I don’t want the love of school to be shattered.

I was worried about Monday morning coming all weekend.

We did our best to explain to the William and Alex what happened in very broad strokes. Since they are young, I didn’t want to get into any details with them. They seemed to understand as best as they could, they asked a couple of questions, “Did they catch the guy with the guns?” and “Where was this school?” We answered and told them if anyone starts to talk about it in school today, we told them to tell them that their parents said not to discuss it. I told them, let us be the “bad” guys to your friends if someone brings it up.

Thankfully the school principal emails every parent last night and asked them to please tell their children to refrain from talking about it in school… but I have to be realistic, not every child is going to do this.

Sending them off this morning was tough.

My heart was in my throat.

I didn’t want them to think I was scared or anything, so I tried my best to act like it was any normal Monday morning.

I gave them an extra big hug and kiss as they left for school.

December 14th, 2012 will be one of those “days” where life changed for me.

The innocence of childhood and the safety of school was shaken on Friday.

I heard an ambulance this morning when I was grabbing something from my car and I froze. Was everything OK?

I hate living like that.

And I hate thinking like that.

But you take a tragedy on Friday and you can’t help but think that way.

Monday.

It was a tough one.

I know I’m not alone.

But all I wanted to do was keep my boys home this morning and just hold their hands.