It’s such a simple statement.  “Next in line.”  Three words.  Not that it will create world peace, but it’s a start. And I’m thinking that every cashier and counter-person in the world should be versed in the use of these 3 simple words.  

Next.  In.  Line.  Say it again.  Next.  In.  Line.  Louder.  NEXT. IN. LINE.  Say it like you mean it.  NEXT IN LINE! Now that’s a sweet victory to all who appreciate order.  

I can even offer tutorial services for this peaceful solution to universal standing-in-line disorder…

It happened to me this morning.  I was waiting in a line of 3 people at a local little deli.  I was in a hurry to meet a plumber at my home, but I had calculated that I had enough time. The elderly lady directly in front of me was holding 2 bottles of apple juice and 1 bottle of iced tea and her hat was slipping from her head. I asked if I could hold the bottles for her while she adjusted her hat, and she was happy for the help.  She explained that her son was waiting in his car outside, and she was anxious to order her bagels and get going to a doctor’s appointment.  Suddenly, we both noticed that a woman (in yoga-style exercise gear) who was not in line was being waited on at the counter by one of the two deli-ladies. 

What?

The woman-in-yoga-gear (this detail will be important later) had seemingly no conscience about the fact that she had skipped the line.  And worse, the deli-lady seemed oblivious to the line.  Neither dignified the line of waiting people with nary a glance. Normally, I would just think about my famous tutorial program for heedless and inattentive cashiers and counter-persons… but today was not all about me.  It was about the elderly woman holding the bottles while waiting to order her bagels before her doctor’s appointment while her son waited outside in the car.  

Phew.

I stepped up to the thoughtless woman-in-yoga-gear and said, rather kindly, as I pointed to the line, “Excuse me, but there’s a line here.”  I nodded to the deli-lady to reassure her that she was included in this little clue.

The woman-in-yoga gear smiled and said, “I have a yoga class next door in 2 minutes.”  (I told you the yoga-gear was important to the story.) 

I suppose she wanted me to say, “Oh.  I’m sorry.  You go right ahead and cut the line.  Because none of us has anything to do or anywhere to go.  Especially the elderly lady trying to prevent the 3 bottles from crashing to the floor as she waits for you to make your yoga class.”

But what I did say, civilly, was, “Well, in any case, there is a LINE.  And we all have somewhere to go.”  I then said to the deli-lady as I pointed to the elderly lady, “This lady is next.”  

Then the deli-lady said the impossible.  “Oh.  I didn’t notice.”

OK.  She rendered me speechless.  For the longest moment.  Then I said it.  “You didn’t notice the line?”

“I’m busy back here,” she answered.  “How do I know who’s next in line?”

So goes my masterpiece for world order.  Here, all along, I thought those 3 little words – NEXT IN LINE – could reconcile all hostilities and restore harmony to every counter around the world.  Back to the lesson plan for me.  First objective… “3 new words.  OPEN. YOUR. EYES.”

(By the way, both the elderly lady and I did get our orders.  I met my plumber.  The woman-in-yoga pants left without her order.  Oh, well!)