Two years

Two years ago yesterday I lost my beloved dog Bismarck.

A few months ago I had unpublished this post about his life – and the sad, sad day of his death – because it goes into so much detail about stuff that’s a little awkward to put out there now. But I’m going to keep it published again for a little while, because Bizzy was full of life and energy and happiness, and I want that to be remembered most. He was loved beyond words… and the end of a marriage he was a huge part of is not his fault.

Yesterday, I just wanted celebrate his life as I grieved the anniversary of his death. And that’s what I did.

I’ve mentioned before that sunflowers are my “sign” from Bizzy that he is still with me. This is how it came to be… The evening we put him to sleep, I had to get out of the house. We had had a vet come to the house that afternoon. We had hugged Bismarck as we said good-bye for the last time. And had we buried him in our backyard. And I just couldn’t spend another minute there.

It was a Friday night and most of my family was vacationing in the Hamptons. My parents had taken a ferry back home the night before to say good-bye to Bismarck and to just be there with us. They were preparing to take another ferry back to the Hamptons to meet back up with Audrey, my brothers and their families, and I knew that I really needed to get away. So off we went with my parents. Ryder came with us – her first ferry ride!

I was beside myself with grief, but when we got off the ferry and drove to our hotel, we kept passing fields and fields of sunflowers, and for some reason, it just made me feel better. Call me crazy, but I knew it was Bismarck telling me that those were my sign from him.

There isn’t a day since July 27, 2007 that I haven’t thought about Bismarck. And I truly believe that he sends me signs to let me know he’s still with me.  Sometimes, at the strangest moments – just when I need it most – I will see a bouquet of sunflowers. Or a picture of one. Or someone will just randomly mention them.

Yesterday, I stopped by Audrey’s house to say hello because I hadn’t seen her since she had gotten back from BlogHer. Before I even reminded her that it was the anniversary of Bismarck’s death, she handed me a bag that she’d brought home for me from Chicago. The bag had a huge sunflower on it:

There were a few other sunflower sightings yesterday, too. Just for me, from my Big Boy, Bismarck.

I’m always looking forward to the next one.

Sunflower image courtesy of candy2nd

About Audrey

Audrey McClelland has been a digital influencer since 2005. She’s a mom of 5 and shares tips on her three favorite things: parenting, fashion and beauty. She’s also a Contemporary Romance Author.

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  1. 7.28.09
    VIVIAN COUTO said:


  2. 7.28.09
    admin said:

    Dear Janie… I miss my Big Boy Granddoggie every day. I miss his calm, I miss his smile, I miss his humor, I miss his excited little jumps, I miss his golden fur, I miss his hugs. I miss him with my whole heart, a heart that still holds a very special place for Bizzy. Bizzy lives in his little sister, Rydie, and now in your beautiful Seth, too. Right now, both Rydie and Seth are at my feet as I type this… because tears are streaming down my cheeks and they know I need them so very much. And Bizzy is here, too… he is right in the mix with his great big smile, telling us all that he is happy and romping with all the animals who will always be loved and remembered. I love you… Mom

  3. 7.28.09

    I’m sorry for your loss. We’ve had 3 doggies die in my lifetime and each time it’s such a heart break.


  4. 7.28.09
    Chrissy said:

    What a sweet post. I know how hard it is to lose a four-legged member of the family. I’m sure as Bismarck watches over the family, he’s happy to see the ways in which you remember and honor his life!

  5. 7.28.09
    Dad said:

    Special post about a special “BIG BOY” I really, really miss having that guy around here.

  6. 7.28.09
    Poppy said:

    Because my kitties are my babies and because I know your doggies are your babies, I saw the photo and saw the title and saw the first line and I exclaimed in a painful voice, “I can’t, I can’t, I can’t.” I couldn’t read this post. But then I made myself. I’m so sorry for your loss, but what a wonderful way to remember him. *hugs*

  7. 8.5.09

    What a sweet post Jane! I have tears as I read this post and your other post. Big Big (((HUGS)))

  8. 8.5.09
    HANK said:

    makes me think of that black kid song “one sweet day.” very sweet.

  9. 8.18.09
    C said:

    Oh, Jane! This post was so beautiful! Actually, you had me in TEARS because I remember all too well how you were feeling and what you went through with Bizzy.

    Losing a four-legged family member is never easy. It breaks my heart to even think of when we lost Trouble and recently, my MIL’s dog, Kia. Trouble was lost to natural causes and Kia because she started biting children and adults alike 🙁 I wrote a post about it. It just makes me cry.

    What a beautiful way to remember your baby, Biz! XOXO

  10. 9.11.09

    Awww, Jane, I have no doubt those sunflowers are Bizzy’s sign to you…no doubt whatsoever. That picture of him running just pulled at my heartstrings. You can tell he was so happy and so loved while he was here on this earth. What a special, special boy.

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