There are moments in life where you know, this is a “moment.” This is something I will remember forever. And you then try as best as you can to tuck that “moment” into the depths of your heart and soul, so you won’t ever forget that exact moment.
I had one of these “moments” on Thursday. And it’s funny… but I know why that moment happened on that particular day, right around that particular time.
My moment was watching my beautiful 4-year old son William swim one lap of the pool, all by himself. No bubble. No noodle. No teacher swimming next to him. Just him. With his cute little arms pushing forward and his little legs kicking as fast as they could. It was a moment where I literally had tears building up beneath my sunglasses, and my smile was (quite literally) from ear to ear. He was so proud of himself, and I couldn’t have been any prouder. My son. My oldest son. Swimming.
Only 5 weeks ago, this was a little boy who wouldn’t even dare put his head down to blow bubbles with the other kids in his lesson. His determination to swim was priceless, but his fear of getting his face wet just paralyzed him. I don’t know what it was. I don’t know if it was watching his beloved older cousin Andrew swim every single day. I don’t know if it was being in his swimming lesson and listening intently to his teachers. I don’t know if it was the goggles Pop-up bought him Wednesday night. I don’t know. All I know is that something yesterday made him “just do it.” And he did it, he did it big.
The reason this moment in time means so much to me is because today, a year ago, my beautiful Nana… my paternal grandmother… passed away. She was 89-years old. It has been 365 days of missing her. 365 days of wanting to make that call to her house and tell her about the boys’ latest “things.” It’s been a long year of missing her. I have been told my whole life, “Oh, you’re just like your Nana.” Our tastes in food. Our love and devotion to family. Our need to be work-horses. Our both having all boys. Our passion for a good romance novel. Our never-ending love of shopping. Our sense of humors. Our loyalty. Our love to talk and talk and talk. I was, in so many, many ways, just like my Nana.
She loved that I had sons. She loved that. She had 3 boys. And with 4 boys, she felt life couldn’t get any better… until she admitted to me in the hospital on boy #4, “Now you need a girl.” Nana was there my whole life. She was at every single school function. She was at every single birthday party. She was at every single dance recital and swim meet. She would go on vacation with us. Quite simply put… Nana didn’t want to miss a thing. Not one single thing. It was the moments she loved and lived for… and she took them all in, all the way through her 89 years.
Thursday was when it really hit me, that this moment… life repeating itself in so many ways. William swam his first lap in the same pool I swam my first lap in. I’ll never forget that moment either — over 25 years ago. Two women guided me down the pool that day on the pool deck, right beside me — my mother and my Nana. They were there, so close to the edge… there if I needed them, to jump in at any second. And on Thursday, that was me and my mother for William. My Nana, she was the one missing, and I felt this sudden need to call her and gush about my William. I was sad… I was… but then I thought about the moments of life and in life. And I was glad that I remembered that moment of Nana and my mother walking down the pool with me on my first lap. I knew… that somewhere, somehow, my Nana was watching William make his first lap. She was smiling and clapping and just in awe… I just know.
It was a moment on Thursday. A moment in time. A moment that brought many other moments to me. Life repeating itself in the most wonderful ways.