Famous last words: “I won’t bump into anyone I know.”

“I won’t bump into anyone I know”…

Famous last words.

Take this morning, for example.

I had been up, literally all night long, with Barry. He had such horrific leg cramps that he couldn’t get into a comfortable position to sit, never mind sleep. This isn’t a new thing for Barry, but these leg cramps were let’s get to any emergency room leg cramps.

I was ready and willing for a night in the ER to find relief for Barry.

He wasn’t.

Because we have been here, done this, we knew a couple of leg cramp tricks… like potassium, lots of water, leg cramp medication and quinine.

It’s the quinine that generally does the trick, the kind found in tonic water. Morning couldn’t come fast enough for me to take a quick trip to the super market.

It was one of those I know I’m in my pajamas but they look like pants and I’ll have a coat on anyway mornings. But that didn’t take into account my Bret Michaels bed-head hair or my lack of lip-gloss and eyebrow pencil. To be sure, I’m not particularly vain, but I do like a good lip-gloss and eyebrow pencil “do” when I leave my home.

In my head I was saying, I won’t bump into anyone I know anyway.

Once in my car, I went even a bit further in my confidence of an in-out shopping experience. I had left two scarves in my car over the past couple of weeks and I really, really wanted to remember to take them into my home… so I wrapped both of them around my neck.

Both. You know, so as not to forget to take them into my home.

Once inside the veritably empty market, I went quickly about my work. Soda aisle. Check. 7 bottles of tonic water with quinine. (These were bad leg cramps, folks.)

It could have ended there. Quite nicely.

But no. I decided to get 2 big bunches of bananas.


And what the heck. Barry loves red bliss potatoes. I’ll surprise him with red bliss potatoes as a side to our leftover pork roast from yesterday’s New Year’s Day Family Feast.

Two bags of red bliss potatoes.


Then I heard the dreaded words, “Hi, Sharon!”

Oh, when life tosses you a bag to the face of red bliss potatoes.

The voice was from an old acquaintance from our kids’ days of swim team. I’m talking eons ago.

Should I pretend it’s not me?

What? Who? Sharon?

I just couldn’t pull it off.

Here I was. A cheap Bret Michaels imitation wrapped in pajamas and two scarves with sparse eyebrows and no lips with a shopping cart filled with bottles of tonic water and bananas.

And red bliss potatoes.

“Oh, hi!” I managed.

Chit chat. About all of our kids. Facebook – I’m friends with a couple of her wonderful 6 kids.

And I kept thinking wow, she looks wonderful.

I actually said, “You look wonderful! You haven’t changed one bit!”

She hadn’t.

I knew she thought I looked like Bret Michaels and was going home to have tonic water, bananas and red bliss potatoes for breakfast… and maybe toss on a bandana and cowboy hat, too, for my Party Rock Band at home.

I almost burst into Every Rose Has Its Thorn.

But I wouldn’t diminish any rose as a comparison to me. Not this morning.

Once home, I relayed my little experience of not bumping into anyone I know to Barry as I unscrewed the cap of a bottle of tonic water with quinine.

Not even the tonic water was on my side this morning.

It burst into a volcanic spray of fizz and bubbles all over my coat, my two scarves, my Brett Michaels hair and lips and sparse eyebrows… my patient Barry and the floor –


It reminded me of another time – long, long ago – when I hastily headed to a local milk store with my feverish little 2-year old baby Jane … in my pajamas and coat.

Ah, a story for another day.






About Audrey

Audrey McClelland has been a digital influencer since 2005. She’s a mom of 5 and shares tips on her three favorite things: parenting, fashion and beauty. She’s also a Contemporary Romance Author.

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  1. 1.2.14
    Rhonda said:

    SOOO funny Sharon! Not Barry’s leg cramps of course. I get those sometimes and it is awful…I will have to try your trick…and you are much prettier than Bret Michaels!

  2. 1.2.14
    Jane said:

    Ahh!! I knew I should have gone with you so I could have run in while you stayed in the car. This is all my fault!

  3. 1.2.14
    Sarah B said:

    Oh Sharon, how I LOVE you! Haha I’ve “been there, done that!” too many times to count! You looks great, even dressed as Bret Michaels 😉

  4. 1.2.14

    Yeah, it’s all Jane’s fault! lol I have been in your position too many times to count. I can go to the store looking pretty darn good and not see a soul, but look my worst and I see every creature known to man that I have ever met before.

  5. 1.2.14
    Joyce said:

    OMG!!! You are a riot.. Good for you girl… You always look good,
    pajamas or not…
    I too have done the same my friend… And of course it never fails, you inevitably run into someone… What are you going to do.. We can’t be on 100% of the time..

    You Go Girl… XXO

  6. 1.3.14

    Hilarious and you will always see someone when you look like that!
    I don’t even care anymore! I realized this one morning when I was in my actual pajamas and fuzzy slippers pumping gas while my small community was driving by waving. http://allthatmakesyou.com/the-mama-in-pajamas-like-the-llama-but-pumping-gas/

  7. 1.3.14

    You’re the most beautiful Bret Michaels I’ve ever seen! And I always get into that, I’ll just throw my hair up and hope for the best, and then run into someone who clearly gave a damn that morning. Oops!

  8. 1.3.14

    Haha – don’t fret Sharon, because you are not alone! I feel like this happens to me on a weekly basis, and always get spotted! It’s almost like the harder you try to hide the more likely you are to be spotted.

  9. 1.3.14
    mel said:

    So funny Sharon!!!! I can so relate- I feel like this happens to me all the time!!!

  10. 1.4.14

    I feel like this happens way to often to me!

  11. 1.21.14
    Marcella said:

    Drink pickle juice for leg cramps.

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