I’d rather be sitting there naked…

My Mom has been to see her share of physicians lately, and I am her guide in these endeavors.  You know, like getting my mom to the various offices, finding parking places, maneuvering through hallways, up stairs or onto elevators, filling out reams of paperwork, sitting and waiting to see physicians who overbook, helping my mom get undressed and putting on those johnnys.

OK.  I can take everything, very happily and very patiently.  Even the reams of paperwork, repeating the same information on patient history, medications, hospitalizations… knowing full well that one computerized system might eliminate this tedious step in the medical process.  I don’t even mind the sitting and waiting part, because I usually spend it talking to my mom, or, like today, explaining what Bruce Willis and Emma Heming were actually doing in their W Magazine “Honeymoon Hotel” photo shoot.  (Whoa.  But I guess all that skin is appropriate in a physician’s office.)

But wait.  There’s more.  The J-thing.  The johnny.  That’s the one thing that drives me to drink.

My mom is 4′ 7″ short.  She is tiny.  And yet, at every office, we are asked to wrap her in a bolt of fabric that would fit around a brewery (see, there’s the drinking reference again).  The ties that allegedly tie these things don’t tie these things.  The cotton that comprises these things doesn’t comprise these things.  And the privacy that defines these things isn’t definable.

This leaves me ass-king lots of questions.  Like where are all the “dignified” gowns that I’ve read about?  The ones with side ties.  Or the sarong-type wrap?  How about the “pajama” style ones?  I’ve even read about “break-away” paneled gowns that allow for “peeks” at important areas rather than the whole kit-and-kabooty.

But anyway.  I have decided that the next time I have the occasion to wear a johnny, I am going to politely pass on the opportunity.  No more wrestling with the endless yards of flimsy fabric and ties that don’t tie and forgetting if the opening is in front or back.  No. This is not for me.  I am, rather, going to take a stand and just sit there naked.  Nude.  In nothing but my smile.

And, probably, a beer.

About Audrey

Audrey McClelland has been a digital influencer since 2005. She’s a mom of 5 and shares tips on her three favorite things: parenting, fashion and beauty. She’s also a Contemporary Romance Author.

Sign Up To The Ultimate Style Newsletter for Moms

Categories

ShopStyle “List” Of all Things I Like and Blog About

Pinterest